Where's Ashton?

It's a key in lock, big deal, right?

Not exactly. It's a key STUCK in a lock.

Let's back to the (sort of) beginning.

I locked myself out of the house at 5:30 a.m. Friday morning. (Big THANK YOU to Trix for bringing my spare key over). So, Sunday I set out to Home Depot to buy an idiot-proof door knob. Sadly, they do not carry idiot-proof door knobs at Home Depot. But, I decided to get a few more extra keys...one for the gym bag, one for a neighbor, etc, while I did a wider search for an idiot-proof door knob. Easy-breezy, right? (ha!) Not so fast; when I tested the key, it got stuck in the lock. STUCK.

So, after work today I took the key, in the door knob, back to Home Depot where the very nice man gave me a new door knob keyed to my existing house key and three new keys. So, I go home to install the new door knob. One (minor) problem. I couldn't open the door without the old door knob, which the nice man kept to return in the place of the new door knob they gave me. So, I had to go back to Home Depot to get my old door knob.

The nice man wasn't so nice at this point. First he looked at me like I was an idiot when I told him I couldn't get the door open without the old door knob and said "you have to change the switch plate." Um, dude, I can't change the switch plate if I CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR." (Side note, I managed to not loose my cool at all, even offered to bring the old door knob back this weekend.) He was very concerned that he wouldn't have anything to return to his vendor in place of the door knob he gave me. After I offered to bring it back, he just threw up his hands and walked away telling me to keep it. I'm impressed with myself for not loosing my cool since I think he may have forgotten that Home Depot CAUSED my problem.

Then when I get home to try to install the door knob, I discover that my foster, Buffy, has decided to redecorate the spare room with what was my Gone With The Wind Poster, glass and all. So, rearrange dogs, clean up glass, install new door knob...the fun never ends.

So, I ask again, WHERE IS ASHTON (Kutcher)? Surely, I'm being punk'd.

Trying My Patience

I think the universe is testing me (and I think I'm failing).

For the past several months I think the universe has been having some fun at my expense. The phrase "nothing is simple" doesn't even come close to capturing the fun I've been having.

Case in point - the backup drive.

When I bought my new computer I also bought a back up drive. Backing up my files seemed like a good idea and it also was the easiest way to get all my information from the old computer to the new computer. Good plan, yes? Well, at least until the puppy chewed through the power cord. (My Bad)

Should have been easy enough to replace, but it didn't turn out that way. Three visits to two different Radio Shacks, one Target and several other stores and no luck. I tried online, nada. I was beginning to think I'd have to buy a whole new drive when someone told me to go to Fry's because they carry everything electronic. They were right and my drive was fully functional again. Total time lost - ONE MONTH.

This week has been extra fun. Wednesday I noticed that my hot water wasn't quite so hot. After enjoying a tepid shower Thursday morning (like my showers are enough fun already?) I checked the heater and the pilot was out. Okay, easy enough. After calls to Dad and the gas company I abandoned the idea of trying to light it myself, so I called my landlord. Well, or more specifically, I left a voicemail for the property manager. When I still hadn't heard back to him Friday afternoon, I called a plumber.

Then things got really fun. The plumber came out (Juan from Nick's Plumbing - they rock) and after he recovered from the sight of my dinosaur he attempted to light it. No luck. After looking around for a few minutes he pronounced it dead. The thermostat is gone, the coupling is broken and they don't make parts for this model. No big deal, except that despite several phone calls and an email to the property manager I still have had no response from the landlord. Paying someone to light the pilot is one thing, paying to have the hot water heater replaced is something else entirely.

So, I wrote two letters (one for each address I have) and set out Saturday morning to send them, certified, return receipt. First post office was closed on Saturday, with no automatic postal station. Second post office, also closed. Sunday morning I went to a post office across town. Good news, automatic postal station functioning; bad news, NO SUPPLIES. Part of me was ready to throw a major fit at this point. But, I sucked it up, went to Target, bought supplies and went back to the post office. Two letters en route to the landlord. Now, we wait.

Day Four of Dead Water Heater....and counting.

We could also talk about the unintended tour of southeast Houston yesterday, the ongoing computer problems I'm having and the wrapping paper fiasco, but I think I've made my point.

Treasures In The Attic

This crazy rental house has an attic, but I've only been in it once, when the agent and I did the final walk through and I barely stuck my head up there. It was CRAZY hot that week and the brilliant agent who showed the house last turned on the heat rather than the air making it over 90 degrees in the house. The attic was really miserable.

But, being heartily sick and tired of crap everywhere I decided to start using the space up there to get some of the crap out of the way. The attic isn't completely floored and the landlord added HVAC (thank goodness) reducing the usable storage pace. So, I went up to see exactly what I had to work with up there. Imagine my surprise when I flipped on the light and saw this:


Yes, those are legs. More specifically, the bottom half of a mannequin. I think the real miracle here is that I didn't fall off the ladder.

I am creeped out that these legs have been hanging out above my bedroom and really baffled as to what on earth they are doing there.

Why exactly would someone have mannequin legs in their attic, or do we really want to know?

Petey's New Friend

We have a new resident in the backyard, a black squirrel. I've never seen a black squirrel and the first time Petey treed him, I thought it was a cat. I was relieved when I realized it was a squirrel, poor little guy was pretty high.

Swamp Forest - Update

Since I moved into this house at the end of July you might think I have tamed the swamp forest by now. Sadly, that is not the case. However, in the last two weeks I have made significant progress.

I have sorted and moved my files to storage and consolidated enough to empty a good-sized portable file drawer. While I was sorting through my random "stuff" I discovered a few treasures. I unearthed a little girl's sweater and when I was checking the size to see if one of my friends could use it I saw one of my grandmother's personalized labels. I'd found a sweater my grandmother knitted for me. That find is en route to my aunt in Kansas City. She gets to decide which one of her granddaughters it will fit. I also found a Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet concert t-shirt. The real kicker is I did not make it to that tour. Somehow ended up with my college roommate's concert t-shirt. Jon, circa 1987, is winging his way back to Los Angeles. Finally, I was able to find a new home for a medium-sized tub full of books. I only have five more tubs to unload.

Current count - 3 empty bins.

Sorry, no picture this time. Big mess...

Swamp Forest - Update

I made a startling discovery last week. Previously, I'd thought of the swamp forest as storage stuff that needed to be sorted, given away, thrown away or maybe even possibly sold with a tiny pile left for storage. Turns out, the truth is that I haven't finished unpacking. Yes, there is some of the former, but the reality is I have failed to unpack from a move that took place at the end of July. That's just sad.

I discovered this as I was packing to go out of town and went searching for all my travel stuff only to fail to locate any of it. My plane bag with earphones and ear plugs and sodouku book - MIA, my nifty travel first aide kit - who knows. Fortunately, I did have my suitcase.

Still not fully unpacked after almost three months - now that's just pathetic.

I will be completely unpacked by Thanksgiving. This is just silly.

The Box Forest - Phase II

It’s not really accurate to call this a box forest; that implies some sort order. It’s more like a swam o’crap. (without the water…or the mud…or the gators).

Eventually, this room will become an office / whatever room and will also house Petey’s crate. Don’t worry, I’m not banishing Petey to the spare room, just his crate. I’m going to put a nice dog bed in the living room where his crate is now. I’ll take a picture, mostly so there will be proof the bed was actually nice. I’m sure it will not stay that way for long. Petey has an interesting habit of wrapping his bones in whatever fabric is handy and then chewing on them. (??)

Anyway, I do have a plan and will have it fully executed by Thanksgiving. (I’ve got a lot of crap to go through).

First step – organize all the Pup Squad event supplies I’ve been storing and get them OUT.

I’m goin’ in……………..

The Box Forest - Update

The Box Forest - Before

The Box Forest - Today

Definitely still a work in progress, but MUCH better. I've managed to get the bedroom, kitchen, living room and dining room set up and everything else crammed into the spare room. And, it's only taken me six weeks. (Woo hoo!) I am going to have to get a storage unit, but I'm forcing myself to go through everything and get rid of a lot of stuff, first. Hopefully, I'll have a functioning office and get Petey's crate out of the living room by Thanksgiving.

Things I Learned Today

Even industrial strength "Backwoods Off" does not deter fire ants. AT ALL.

My weed eater has an edging setting. (Wish I'd realized that at the beginning of the evening's festivities!)

My sidewalk is twice as wide as it originally appeared.

The City of Houston-approved lawn bags SUCK! (Okay, I already knew that, but still....)

The Bane of My Existance

I definitely have a love/hate relationship with my Bougainvillea. Most of the time, what's not to hate? Giant thorns, grows like a weed, will not stay confined to its assigned space in the garden; but then one day, I walk outside to see this......



And This



And This



and I remember why I haven't brought in a chain saw, yet.

What you can't see is that I've got a rival for Jack's beanstalk across the yard. Even after a serious cutting back post-Ike, I've got a branch that's almost at the roof of my (three-story) townhouse. It's insane.

Seriously, anybody got a chainsaw I can borrow? And, can you send along someone how knows how to use it? Thanks!